


hoping that they all could see (that we belong together)

by Finduilas



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, First Time, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mild Gore, Minor Character Death, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-02
Updated: 2012-11-17
Packaged: 2017-11-15 12:01:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/527089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas/pseuds/Finduilas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Over the years, Steve’s told himself it’s not going to be like this forever. He isn’t going to pine and want what he can’t have indefinitely. He’ll get over Danny. He’ll fall in love with someone else.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. hoping that they all could see (that we belong together) - prologue and chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> • Written for theellibu’s birthday! Happy birthday, babe! ♥  
> • Many thanks to iam_space for brainstorming, beta-ing, and basically writing half the story with me. As usual, I couldn’t have done this without her.  
> • Danny in the prologue is basically me, a cop watching a procedural show and going slowly insane by all the inaccuracy. (And unfortunately, H50 isn’t above this inaccuracy either.)  
> • This fic is set a few years in the future.  
> • Minor character death. (NOT one of the main characters, and NOT onscreen)

**Prologue**  
  
“That is ridiculous, you know…” Danny mumbles, popping a handful of Macadamia nuts in his mouth, vaguely gesturing towards the screen.   
  
“I know,” Steve says, trying to suppress a smile because he knows exactly where this is going.   
  
“Inaccurate,” Danny states, nodding his head towards the screen again, sagging a little deeper into the couch, and – by result – a little closer to Steve.   
  
“I know,” Steve says again, enjoying the steady warmth of Danny’s side pressed in against him. “You realize you do this every time we watch a procedural show, don’t you?”   
  
“’cause they’re all so incredibly inaccurate!” Danny counters, swinging his bare feet up on the coffee table.   
  
Steve would protest, but he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want Danny to move even one inch. So he just shakes his head and snatches a Macadamia nut or two. He smiles contently, his attention evenly divided between the screen and the man leaning against him on the couch.   
  
When he takes time to think about it, Steve doesn’t really know how they got here – to this comfortable push-and-pull, the constant reassurance of Danny’s friendship, the never unwanted invasion of personal space. It happens naturally. It’s easy and uncomplicated, and it’s turned out to be the most important thing in Steve’s life.   
  
In the beginning, Steve sort of assumes taking things further is going to happen eventually. He never really stops to think about the how or the when. He just figures it’s another thing they’ll naturally fall into. No need to force it, or to hurry it up. Besides, there’s Rachel, and then there’s Gabby, and Steve just sort of stands on the sideline, watching it all happen.   
  
“Now they’re just destroying evidence,” Danny comments at the screen, a sigh escaping him.   
  
“It’s for visual effects,” Steve says, giving a one-sided shrug as not to jostle Danny.   
  
“It’s giving people wrong notions of forensics,” Danny counters, and Steve just nods. Danny’s right, after all.   
  
It’s not like Steve never dates either, he thinks as Danny falls silent again, concentrated on the television. There’s been Catherine, and he was serious about her when she joined Five-0 for a while. Until something better came along for her – something better than the job, something better than Steve. And even though it took him by surprise, he couldn’t honestly say he was heartbroken about it. If anything, it made him realize those feelings for Danny never actually went away. But Danny was still with Gabby, even though they never seemed to make any real progress either, and sometimes Steve thought that Danny was stalling. Though maybe that’s exactly what Steve was doing with Catherine as well.  
  
Danny shifts against him, not pulling away per se, just shifting his weight a little, resting his arm on Steve’s thigh.   
  
And Danny seems happy, even with Gabby out of the picture now, and in the end that’s all that matters to Steve. That Danny’s happy. They both go on dates every now and then. Never more than two or three dates with the same person. Steve finds that no one ever seems to be able to measure up to Danny anyway.   
  
And yet somehow… it never really happens between them. And it takes Steve by surprise a bit.   
  
Over the years, Steve’s told himself it’s not going to be like this forever. He isn’t going to pine and want what he can’t have indefinitely. He’ll get over Danny. He’ll fall in love with someone else.   
  
But then that doesn’t seem to happen either.   
  
It’s not like Steve isn’t happy, because he is. But deep down, he knows they’re meant to be more. There’s meant to be something… something they’ve never quite managed to reach.   
  
“Well, that was crap,” Danny says as the credits roll, stretching out besides Steve, nearly sticking his armpit in Steve’s face as he lifts his arms above his head.   
  
“You’re such a ray of sunshine,” Steve smiles.   
  
“Don’t I know it,” Danny smiles back, repressing a yawn. “Grab me my pillow, will you?”   
  
Danny finally pulls away slowly, dropping his face down on the other end of the couch.   
  
“You staying?” Steve asks, but it seems sort of a moot point as he grabs the spare pillow and blanket – also known as  _Danny_ ’s pillow and blanket – from the closet and tosses them at Danny, who’s already stretched out on the couch.   
  
Danny just mumbles a sound that’s supposed to represent “yes” and buries himself underneath the blanket.   
  
“Night, Danno,” Steve says, and watches for a few more seconds to see how Danny pummels the pillow into submission before heading upstairs.   
  
***  
  
When he comes down the next morning, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, he finds Danny standing next to the phone.   
  
“Was that the landline I heard?” Steve asks, because he knows Danny’s not above answering his phone.   
  
Danny nods dumbly, biting his bottom lip.   
  
“What?” Steve asks, looking at his friend’s bewildered face.   
  
“Babe…” Danny says, worry lines covering his forehead. He takes a step forward, puts his hand on Steve’s arm.   
  
“What?” Steve asks again, dread already filling him.   
  
“Steve…” Danny takes a deep breath before finally saying, “It’s your Mom, babe… She died.” 

 

**Chapter 1**  
  
“Mary’s gonna try and get a flight out tomorrow,” Steve says numbly as he comes out on the lanai. He feels drained, even though he hasn’t done anything today besides make calls, make arrangements.  
  
Danny looks up at him from where he sits at the edge of the lanai. He holds his cool bottle of beer up, and Steve takes it as he sits down next to Danny. He’s grateful for it, unlike the sandwich Danny forced him to eat earlier.  
  
“How did she take it?” Danny’s voice is soft and soothing, and Steve lets his leg rest against Danny’s.   
  
He just shrugs. He doesn’t want to talk about Mary crying over the phone.  
  
“How are you taking it?” Danny asks, his eyes locked on Steve.   
  
Steve takes a swig of his beer, gulping down half the bottle in one go.   
  
“Steve?” Danny asks softly, but Steve sort of twitches and downs the rest of the bottle.   
  
“Can we just get plastered, Danny?” Steve asks, exasperated, his own voice sounding foreign to himself. There’s a dull ache in the hollow of his chest, and maybe alcohol can wash it away, even for just a little while.   
  
“Yeah,” Danny says immediately as he gets up and rushes into the kitchen, like he’s finally found something useful to do for Steve. Steve tries not to whine at the loss of contact. He tries not to rub his eyes, afraid they’ll come away wet. Danny’s back in an instant, putting down a cooler behind them, taking out two fresh bottles of beer.   
  
It seems so silly, Steve thinks, as he brings the bottle to his lips. For everything that happened to have happened, and then for his mother to simply die of an aneurysm. It feels like the universe is mocking him. Or punishing him, but he’s not quite sure what for. He knows he hasn’t always made the right choices in life, but he doesn’t think he really deserves this either.   
  
So he drinks the beer Danny offers him, and – like a good friend – Danny joins him. They’re quiet for a long time, until Steve can feel his head numb a bit, and Danny says, “It’s not fair.”   
  
Steve snorts humorlessly, squinting his face as he puts down his empty bottle, which promptly falls off the edge of the lanai. He can’t bring himself to care.   
  
“For you to lose her twice…” Danny says, shaking his head.   
  
“I’m not sure I ever really had her again,” Steve says, ‘cause it’s true, because having her back in his life wasn’t always easy, even after they found Wo Fat and she could come home.   
  
“She loved you,” Danny says, but somehow it only hurts even more.   
  
“I’m a hard person to love,” Steve says, and he’s biting back the sting in his eyes.   
  
“No, you’re not,” Danny says almost instantly, and it’s the words that tip Steve over the edge, because he knows Danny means well, but it’s not enough, it’s not the way Steve wants Danny to love him, and before he knows it Danny’s arms are around him and he’s sobbing into his chest.   
  
“Don’t,” Steve says, even though he doesn’t move away from Danny’s touch. Danny’s hold is strong around him, his breath hushing in Steve’s ear, but it doesn’t take away the ache in his chest, the numbness in his fingers.   
  
“You don’t love me,” Steve mumbles, ‘cause he simply can’t hold it in any longer.   
  
“What are you talking about?” Danny says indignantly, fingers digging into Steve’s skin as he tightens his embrace. “You’re my best friend. Of course I do.”   
  
“Not the way I want you to…” Steve whispers, trying to get away from Danny’s grip, because it’s stifling, because he needs air, he needs more beer, he needs  _Danny_.   
  
“What are you…?” Danny asks confused, letting go of Steve as he squirms free.   
  
“Don’t!” Steve says, and he realizes he’s almost shouting but he’s lost control over his voice, over his emotions. “Don’t talk to me about fair, because it isn’t fair to have you so close all these years, but never have you the way I want,” he says accusingly, like it’s Danny’s fault this day has turned to hell, like it’s Danny’s fault his mother died,  _again_.   
  
He walks to the edge of the lanai, then circles back for the cooler, reaching in for another beer.   
  
“No,” Danny says, firmly, as he grasps Steve’s wrist.   
  
Steve contemplates pushing him off, he thinks he still has enough force left for that, but Danny’s scrambling up off the floor, pushing Steve’s wrist away from the cooler.   
  
“Danny…” Steve grits through his teeth, tugging his arm free, but he doesn’t make another attempt for the beer.   
  
“I don’t think we need more alcohol,” Danny says.   
  
“You don’t know what I need,” Steve says, and it isn’t fair for him to suddenly lash out at Danny for this, but like Danny said earlier, nothing about this is fair. This is the  _third_  time he’s lost a parent, and he’s never felt more alone in this world than he does right now.   
  
But then Danny’s fingers are clutching the front of his shirt, and his lips are crashing against Steve’s and it isn’t soft or graceful, but it’s Danny’s mouth on his – fucking  _finally_. There’s a fraction of a second that Steve freezes into the touch, before he’s gripping Danny’s biceps and moving his lips against Danny’s, and he’s trying to  _crawl_  into the kiss like it’s the only thing keeping him up. And if Steve stops to think about it, it probably is.   
  
Danny’s almost frantic in his movements, hands cupping Steve’s face before going down to slide under his shirt, rubbing over his back. And Steve lets him, lets him tongue his lips apart as he sags into the kiss. And maybe Danny knew what Steve needed after all.   
  
Steve isn’t sure if it’s the alcohol or the kiss, but his knees feel weak and he’s pliant in Danny’s embrace. Years, literally  _years_  he’s wanted this, has wanted Danny’s lips over his, wanted Danny’s hands exploring every inch of his skin, wanted to hear Danny’s heartbeat pounding against his chest. And he can’t quite fathom the fact that it’s actually happening now. He feels wrecked from the day’s events, but Danny’s touch manages to numb the pain a little bit, far more effective than the alcohol at stopping the thoughts running around in his head and helping him focus on one thing… Danny.   
  
Danny’s hands find their way into his hair, fingernails scraping slightly against his scalp, making Steve shudder underneath the touch. When he breaks away from the kiss – air, he needs air – he can see Danny’s frantic breathing, and he sinks his face in the crook of Danny’s neck and just holds on.   
  
“It’s okay,” Danny mumbles, pulling Steve’s body flush against his, and Steve isn’t sure who Danny is trying to convince. But he can feel Danny hardening against the line of his hip, and Steve’s hard too, straining against his shorts.   
  
“Danny,” Steve whispers, like he needs to reassure himself of what is happening, of who he’s holding in his arms.   
  
And then Danny’s pulling away slightly, only to tug at Steve’s hand.   
  
“Come on,” Danny whispers, almost in a daze, as he guides Steve inside.   
  
They make it up the stairs, into Steve’s bedroom, and Steve is so close to getting what he’s been longing for he can  _taste_  it. He pushes Danny down on the bed, and Danny complies without hesitation. And with nothing left in the way, he’s crawling between Danny’s legs, fumbling with the buttons of his pants, yanking them down, taking his underwear with it in one go.   
  
Danny’s cock is almost completely hard against his stomach, and Danny’s leaning on his elbows, staring at Steve with a bewildered look on his face. Steve lets himself sag between Danny’s legs, nuzzling Danny’s hip, cock resting against his cheek. And Steve just wants to  _breathe_ , fill his lungs with a scent that is rich and pure Danny.   
  
“Steve, you don’t have to…” Danny starts, but Steve shakes his head because he wants to, because he  _needs_  to, and he wraps his lips around Danny’s cock and takes him in his mouth as far as he can go.   
  
Surprised, Danny bucks up off the mattress before controlling himself. He lets out a shuddering breath, falling back on the sheets completely. There’s a sound escaping his lips as Steve presses his tongue against the underside of his cock and Steve can feel him harden completely.  
  
Steve simply squeezes his eyes shut, bobs his head up and down over Danny’s cock, sliding his tongue along the shaft, circling the head on the upstroke. It’s a bit messy and not quite as coordinated as he’d like, but he damn well makes up for it in enthusiasm as he grips Danny’s hips with his hands, not so much to stop the tiny thrusts that escape Danny but to encourage them.   
  
Danny’s hand hovers over Steve’s head for a second, before falling down, fingers twisting in the sheets.   
  
Steve lifts his head just long enough to mumble, “Do it. Please,” before sucking the tip of Danny’s cock back into his mouth. And Danny gets with the program, curls his fingers over Steve’s head, between the strands of hair. He doesn’t actually apply a lot of pressure, just guides Steve’s head up and down, but it’s enough for Steve, enough to make his own cock scream for release. He presses his hand between his own legs, squeezing his cock through his shorts.   
  
“Fuck, Steve…” Danny mutters, followed by a drawn-out moan that sends shivers down Steve’s spine.   
  
Steve hums around Danny’s cock, and it makes Danny’s hips twitch.   
  
“Steve, I…” Danny grunts out, and Steve knows exactly what Danny’s trying to say, but he simply takes Danny all the way into his mouth, his nose buried in the curls surrounding Danny’s cock, until he feels Danny’s come spurt in the back of his throat and he swallows it all down.   
  
He’s still licking his lips when Danny grabs him, one hand still in his hair, the other clutching at his shoulder, pulling him up.   
  
“C’mere,” Danny mumbles, still languid as he comes down from his orgasm, but he starts kissing Steve the second he can reach him, and Steve presses his entire length up against Danny.   
  
Danny’s hands come down to open Steve’s shorts, making satisfied little groans as he slides his tongue along Steve’s. Steve is sure that Danny must be able to taste himself in Steve’s mouth, but that doesn’t seem to stop him or slow him down. He pushes Steve’s shorts below his hips, wraps his fingers around the hard length of Steve’s cock and starts stroking immediately.   
  
There’s a whimper that escapes Steve’s lips, and Danny pushes Steve down on his back with his weight.   
  
“Just let me…” Danny whispers, brushing his lips against Steve’s, as one hand comes up to stroke his cheek and the other slides hurriedly over Steve’s cock.   
  
Steve closes his eyes and returns the kiss, lets his hand wander over Danny’s shoulder, underneath the shirt that he’s  _still_  wearing – albeit missing a button or two. Danny’s hand comes down to cup Steve’s balls, gives them a fondle, before gripping Steve’s cock again, and it doesn’t take Steve very long to reach the edge. It’s been too long coming, too long he’s waited for this moment, and his body feels so completely spent that he doesn’t have the energy to even  _try_  and hang in there.   
  
Danny mumbles in his ear, strong fingers squeezing down Steve’s cock, and Steve lets out a choked off sob against Danny’s skin as he comes all over Danny’s hand and his own stomach.   
  
Steve doesn’t even feel when Danny’s hand leaves his cock exactly, but then his arms are around Steve, and he’s holding him tight against his own body, and Steve presses his face a little deeper in Danny’s neck and slips his arms around Danny’s chest and he doesn’t try to stop it when he feels his tears wet on Danny’s skin.   
  
He doesn’t know how long they stay like that before Danny softly pulls away then comes back from the bathroom to clean them both up. He gently strips off Steve’s remaining clothes, washes off Steve’s stomach with a wet cloth and guides him under the covers. When he comes back into bed, Danny lets Steve drape himself over his chest. Danny’s hands come around him, fingertips softly brushing up and down his skin. Steve puts his ear over Danny’s heart, as he stares at a spot on the wall. He can hear Danny’s heartbeat, steady and reassuring beneath him. He doesn’t remember closing his eyes and falling asleep.   
  
***  
  
When he eventually wakes up, Steve is alone in the bed. 


	2. hoping that they all could see (that we belong together) – chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“So uh… yeah,” Danny shrugs. He has the edge of the sheet wrapped around his middle, like he’s trying to shield himself from Steve. Like Steve didn’t actually have Danny’s entire cock in his mouth the evening before._

Steve rolls onto his back, patting the mattress beside him, in search of Danny. He pushes himself up on his elbows, blinking open his eyes as he looks around the room. They fall on Danny, who is sitting on the very edge of the bed, back towards Steve.   
  
Steve’s unease settles somewhat at finding Danny, but he’s sitting about as far away from Steve as he can, and his shoulders are slumped as he looks around the room. Steve shifting makes him turn and look, and Steve isn’t quite sure what the expression on Danny’s face means. He’s always prided himself on being able to read Danny like an open book, but Danny feels closed off somehow.   
  
“Hey…” Steve croaks, clearing his throat as he rubs his hand through his hair.   
  
“Hey…” Danny parrots, giving him a tight smile before looking around the room again.   
  
“What’s up?” Steve asks carefully.   
  
“I, uhm… I don’t actually have any clean clothes left here,” Danny says, and Steve’s eyes fall on the bundle of messed up clothes on the floor.   
  
“Oh…” Steve says, his brain still trying to catch up with what’s happening. He doesn’t think he’s entirely processed yesterday yet. Their clothes are strewn across the room, rumpled and dirty – and Steve knows exactly what they’re dirty with.   
  
“So uh… yeah,” Danny shrugs. He has the edge of the sheet wrapped around his middle, like he’s trying to shield himself from Steve. Like Steve didn’t actually have Danny’s entire cock in his mouth the evening before.   
  
“You can take some of my sweats,” Steve says, because it seems like a safe thing to say, all things considering.  
  
“Thanks,” Danny says, looking back behind him at Steve. “How are you feeling?”   
  
“About…?” Steve asks, ‘cause his emotions are a little bit of a mess right now, but he knows that he wants nothing more than to crawl back into bed with Danny and go back to where they were yesterday.   
  
“Your Mom,” Danny says so quickly it startles Steve.   
  
Steve nods, letting it sink in that Danny clearly doesn’t want to talk about anything else that happened last night, and he feels his stomach tighten at the thought.   
  
“Pretty bad,” Steve answers truthfully, because he’s never been able to lie to Danny anyway.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Danny says, and Steve believes him.   
  
Steve lets himself fall back onto the mattress, a long sigh escaping him. He closes his eyes and bites back the choking feeling in his throat. He throws his arm over his eyes. He isn’t sure if it’s really sunk in yet. His mother is gone, not just ‘half-way across the world, hiding from Wo Fat’ gone, but actually gone. For good.   
  
“I’ll be fine,” Steve says, even though he doesn’t believe the words himself. At least not yet. But he’s been through this before, far too many times, and he’s always made it through somehow.   
  
“I’ll make breakfast,” Danny says, and Steve can feel the mattress shift, can feel Danny get up. He doesn’t open his eyes yet. Steve hears his closet open and close, hears the rustling of clothing.   
  
“Danny…” Steve sighs, because the simple thought of eating something makes his stomach turn.   
  
“You have to eat, Steve,” Danny says quickly, and Steve thinks maybe making breakfast is a handy excuse for Danny to get out of the room.   
  
He hears Danny’s footsteps down the stairs, and Steve just wants to fall back asleep and skip the entire day.   
  
***  
  
Steve finally manages to drag himself out of bed - his nakedness another reminder of what happened the night before - get dressed and make his way down the stairs.   
  
When he finds Danny in the kitchen – in Steve’s sweats and t-shirt – he realizes that some part of him had expected Danny to have left the house, and he feels almost guilty for even thinking it.   
  
"I figured pancakes or eggs would be a lost battle," Danny says, back towards Steve as he busies himself with the coffee machine, and Steve can tell he’s trying hard to sound normal. "So I thought toast would be better?"   
  
Even though he's not even remotely hungry, Steve humors Danny and says, "Yeah, sure. Maybe just one piece."   
  
"'kay," Danny says, finally turning towards Steve with a plate of toast in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other.   
  
"Danny," Steve starts, reaching out his hand in a reflex.   
  
He can see Danny swallow hard, and even though he tries to hide it, he moves away from Steve a fraction of an inch. And suddenly Steve feels bile rise up in his throat, because what once was so natural, felt so good between them, now seems to be so far away. The air around him is stifling, almost suffocating him.   
  
"Steve?" Danny asks, putting down the plate and cup, "You're white as a sheet!"  
  
Steve tries to shrug it off, tries to compose himself and pull himself together, but fails miserably as he feels Danny's hand on his shoulder -  _finally_  - and sort of sags in the chair beside the counter.   
  
"I'm sorry..." Steve mumbles, and all he wants to do is reach out and burrow himself inside Danny's embrace, but he doesn't even know if he  _can_  anymore, because he feels like he's fucked it all up, like sleeping with Danny managed to push him away somehow, and it’s another loss on top of the one he's already dealing with.   
  
"You have nothing to be sorry for..." Danny says, a tentative hand still on Steve's shoulder, but it's not enough.   
  
"Last night..." Steve starts, shaking his head, "I never meant to... I didn't want to mess it up, to..."   
  
Danny sighs, hand pulling away in a jerk and he turns on his feet, facing the counter.   
  
"Steve, can we not...?" Danny asks, his voice unsteady.   
  
"I mean, I don't understand what happened," Steve continues regardless.   
  
"You're not the only one..." Danny says with a humorless snort.   
  
"What does that even mean?" Steve asks, frowning. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest. He can feel Danny's doubt and regret prickling under his skin.   
  
"God, I don't know, Steve," Danny says, exasperated. "Can we not do this right now? Can we focus on everything else, just for today?"   
  
"Why are you even still here?" Steve asks, because it seems obvious that Danny really doesn’t want to be here right now.   
  
"Are you kidding me?" Danny asks, "I thought you'd want me here, after your Mom..."   
  
"Were you just humoring me, last night?" Steve asks, and the thought of that maybe being true cuts through Steve like a knife.   
  
Danny flinches, before a scowl forms on his face. "What?"   
  
"You heard me," Steve says, jaw clenched together.   
  
"You want me to be honest, Steve?" Danny asks, but doesn't wait for Steve to answer. "I have no idea what happened last night, alright? I can't even... I don't know, okay? We both had a lot to drink, and then you were saying what you were saying, and I don't know. I just acted, and I  _don't know_!"   
  
“You don’t know…” Steve repeats dumbfounded, and he needs to focus on his breathing, on getting air into his lungs, because it feels like he’s about to choke.   
  
“Do  _you_  even know what happened last night?” Danny asks, wrapping his arms around his chest, like he needs some extra support.   
  
“Yeah, Danny,” Steve says with a sigh. “And I thought we were on the same page, I thought…” He shakes his head sadly. “Clearly not.”   
  
“You can not blame me for being confused, Steve,” Danny says defensive.   
  
“You don’t want this,” Steve says, and he wonders how he could not have seen this yesterday? How could he not notice this? Was he really so far gone? So wrapped up in Danny and his own grief that he never even knew Danny didn’t even want this?   
  
“I don’t know!” Danny bites back. “One moment we’re drinking, and I’m trying to get you through this, and the next my best friend of five years is sucking my dick! How am I supposed to wrap my head around that?”   
  
“You never told me to stop…” Steve says, and he honestly feels sick right now.   
  
“Jesus fuck, of course I didn’t!” Danny shouts out. “You’re looking at me like you did something against my will. That’s not what this is about, Steve. You’d never… I was on board yesterday!”  
  
“But you’re not anymore…”  
  
“I don’t know,” Danny says for what seems to be the millionth time this morning.   
  
Steve nods, blinks a few times before saying, “I think maybe it’s best if you leave.”   
  
“Steve…” Danny starts, “Are you kidding me? I’m not going to leave you here alone, on a day like today.”   
  
“What are you going to do, Danny?” Steve snaps, “Feel sorry for me and sleep with me again? Another pity-fuck?”   
  
“Do you have any idea how unfair you’re sounding right now?” Danny asks angrily.   
  
“Do you have any idea how you’re making me feel?” Steve asks, kicking the chair back as he gets up. It clatters loudly on the kitchen floor. “So I really don’t give a shit about how I’m sounding right now!”   
  
“Steve, come on, we can  _talk_  about this,” Danny pleads.   
  
“You didn’t want to talk about this, remember?” Steve throws back in his face, and he wants to break something, wants to pick up every single loose thing in his entire kitchen and  _smash_  it.   
  
“Yeah, but you’re not letting it go, are you?” Danny says, and they’re sort of circling each other, and Steve wonders if maybe he doesn’t want to hit Danny a little bit. No matter how much he loves him, he feels like right in this moment, maybe he hates him just a little bit too.   
  
“You want me to sit here and cry about my Mom and just conveniently forget how we had sex last night?” Steve asks, incredulous.   
  
“How about we just sit here and talk calmly and not throw our entire friendship out the window because we had sex last night?” Danny says, slapping his hand down on the counter so hard it makes the coffee cups rattle.   
  
Steve rubs his hand over his face, feeling exhausted despite the fact that he only just woke up. He tries to find something to hold onto. Something to hold him up, an anchor. But his mother is gone, and he couldn’t care less about his job right now, and the only thing that he’s always been able to count on these last years is Danny, and he can feel him drifting away from him a little bit more with every passing minute. Can feel him slipping through his fingers, just out of reach. And he knows he needs to calm down, needs to talk this through with Danny, needs to fix it  _now_ , before it’s too late. But all he can think of is the feeling of Danny’s lips on his, of Danny’s body against his, and how good it felt, how  _right_. And how that feeling seems miles away right now. And how Danny never even wanted it anyway.   
  
“I need to be alone,” Steve says, despite himself.   
  
“No,” Danny says, and his hands are suddenly on Steve’s shoulders, and why doesn’t it feel like before? Why doesn’t it feel in the slightest bit comforting? “I know you. You don’t want to be alone right now. Please don’t tell me to go, Steve. Please.”  
  
“Can you honestly say you want to be around me right now?” Steve asks, searching out Danny’s eyes, but failing to make them lock. “You can’t even look me in the eye…”   
  
Danny closes his eyes and sighs, head sagged as his hands still rest on Steve’s shoulders.   
  
“Go home, Danny,” Steve says, shrugging off Danny’s touch.  
  
And Steve isn’t sure if he still wants Danny to protest, if he wants him to  _fight_ , to not give up on Steve just yet. But Danny finally nods. He turns away from Steve, grabbing his keys from the counter and heading towards the front door.   
  
Steve is slumped down on the floor by the time he hears the front door close. He leans his head back against the kitchen cabinets as he waits for the sound of the Camaro’s engine, but it doesn’t come.


	3. hoping that they all could see (that we belong together) – chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Steve shrugs, “I think maybe a small paddle out? The last one was on land, and…” He lets out a puff of air, shaking his head. “Who gets to have two funerals...?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for theellibu’s birthday. Beta’d by iam_space

Chin and Kono arrive somewhere before noon, and Steve only pretends to miss the glances they sneak one another after the initial hugs and condolences.   
  
Chin is making lunch – even though Steve still isn’t hungry – while Kono bumps her shoulder against Steve’s in silent support as they lean against the counter.   
  
“Do you need help with the planning?” Kono asks gently, “Do you know what you’ll do yet? I mean, a paddle out, or…?”  
  
Steve shrugs, “I think maybe a small paddle out? The last one was on land, and…” He lets out a puff of air, shaking his head. “Who gets to have two funerals...?”   
  
“Those McGarretts,” Chin says with a soft smile as he cuts through a few sandwiches. “Can’t ever act like normal people...”   
  
The comment is accompanied by a hand on Steve’s shoulder before he leads them into the living room, and Steve can’t help but smile despite himself. Chin’s not wrong.   
  
Kono takes a peek behind the curtain, to the driveway, before sitting down opposite Steve on the couch and grabbing one of the sandwiches.   
  
Steve sighs, rubs his hand over his face as he says, “He’s still out there, isn’t he?”   
  
Chin and Kono look at each other again, like they’re contemplating lying or something, until Kono finally says, “He’s been pacing around your driveway since we got here. I don’t know… He told us not to mention him, but…”   
  
“He didn’t want to leave…” Steve mumbles as he swallows around the lump in his throat.   
  
“What happened?” Chin asks, not commenting on the fact that Steve hasn’t touched the food yet.  
  
“It’s complicated,” Steve says, because he’s not entirely sure he knows how to explain it anyway. He takes one of the sandwiches, just to keep his hands busy.   
  
“Is today really a day to be arguing?” Kono asks carefully.   
  
“Kono…” Steve sighs exasperated.   
  
“I mean, you’re never really angry at each other, and you could probably use some comfort right no…” Kono starts.   
  
Steve jumps up from his seat and snaps, “He’s done enough comforting, thanks.”   
  
He puts the sandwich down on the plate again, uneaten.   
  
“Wha…?” Kono and Chin mirror each other.   
  
“Look, if he’s out there,” Steve barks, pointing his arms in the general direction of the front of the house, “It’s for a reason, alright? And I’m not gonna feel sorry about it.”   
  
“You obviously already feel bad about it,” Kono says, getting up and taking a few steps towards Steve.   
  
Steve clenches his jaw, inhales sharply.   
  
“Whatever it is that got you fighting, surely you can put it aside for now,” Kono continues, “I know Danny. He wants to be here for you right now. He’s not sitting out there because it’s such a comfortable place to be.”   
  
“He’s sitting out there because he played me!” Steve says, then clenches his jaw together because he really doesn’t want to get into this.   
  
“How did he…?” Kono starts, but Steve cuts her off, raising his arm.   
  
“I can’t deal with this right now, okay?” Steve says, probably a little too harsh.   
  
He turns around, away from Chin and Kono – who he knows are only trying to help – and lets out a shuddering breath as he wipes his hands over his face.   
  
“Just…” Steve says eventually, looking over his shoulder. “I’m going out for a swim. Please just do me a favor and make sure he’s gone when I get back?”   
  
He doesn’t wait for an answer, just disappears up the stairs in search of his swim shorts. When he gets back down, towel flung over his shoulder, the front door is ajar and he can hear whispered voices outside. He does his best to block out Danny’s hushed tones and quickens his pace as he walks out to the lanai. By the time he reaches the water, he’s full on running, until he can feel the water swallow his aches slightly, and he’s swimming out as far as he can.   
  
***  
  
Steve decides to take the days leading up to the paddle out off from work, and immediately regrets his decision when people start calling to offer condolences and he can’t wave them off with a handy “I gotta get to work” excuse.   
  
Mary arrives a day later, and even though it’s somewhat comforting to be around family, to share the pain with someone, Steve still finds a little piece of him missing… a Danny-shaped piece, and maybe it isn’t so little?   
  
Nevertheless, Steve screens his calls, decidedly pushing the ignore button when Danny’s name pops up, which only leads to three or four text messages a day.   
  
 _you cant keep ignoring me forevr_  
  
 _can we at least talk abt this?_  
  
 _steve, come on_  
  
Steve wishes he could delete them without even reading them, but somehow he can’t.   
  
There’s a phone call from Catherine, which is comforting and easy, ‘cause at least after everything that’s happened, they can still be friends.   
  
“He obviously wants to make it up to you,” Catherine says, because  _of course_  she managed to get Steve to spill the beans as to what’s going on with him and Danny, and he immediately regrets it.   
  
“And he obviously doesn’t feel the same way as I do,” Steve answers, cradling the phone between his ear and his shoulder, “And I don’t want him to feel  _sorry_  for me, alright?”  
  
“You don’t honestly believe that’s what he’s doing,” Catherine says, “No matter to what degree, he loves you, and he doesn’t feel pity on you, he just wants to take some of your pain.”   
  
“He gave me a pity-fuck,” Steve says, because it’s easier than trying to think of Danny loving him – in any way.   
  
“He got carried away with his feelings,” Catherine says, her voice soft but determined through the phone, “I’m not saying it was the smartest thing to do, but surely he didn’t mean to hurt you this way.”  
  
“Whether he meant to or not, he did,” Steve says.   
  
“And he’s definitely paying the price for it now,” Catherine responds.   
  
“I’m not the bad guy here, Cath!” Steve snaps.   
  
“No, you’re not,” Catherine answers immediately, “I’m just saying… maybe he isn’t either.”   
  
Steve sighs, because he doesn’t want to think about how Catherine might be right.   
  
About half an hour after the phone call with Catherine, Steve gets another text from Danny.   
  
 _maybe youre not the only one who is confused about all this. and maybe this would be a whole lot easier if we could just work it out together._    
  
Steve looks at the text for several minutes, types up  _I’m not confused. I know what I want_  before clearing the screen again and throwing his cell phone down on the table.   
  
***  
  
The paddle out is small, because Steve and Mary want it that way. Besides, Doris hadn’t really made a whole lot of new friends since she was back on the island, so it’s mostly people that are there for Mary and himself.   
  
Steve knew Danny would be there as well, and yet he is woefully unprepared when he sees Danny walk up to him, surfboard under his arm, Grace in tow.   
  
“Hey…” Danny says, and before either one of them says any more, Grace is wrapped around his middle, her head buried underneath Steve’s chin as she says, “I’m so sorry, Uncle Steve.”   
  
He wraps his arms around the – not so little anymore – girl and presses his lips on the top of her head.   
  
“Thanks, Gracie…” Steve mumbles, and Grace tightens her arms around him for a second before stepping back and looking between her father and Steve.   
  
“I’ll go say hi to Chin and Kono,” Grace says with a forced smile, and Danny nods as she walks off, her own board tucked under her arm.   
  
“I didn’t think you’d come,” Steve lies, when Grace is far enough away.   
  
“Yeah, well, call me selfish,” Danny shrugs awkwardly, “You might not want me to be here, but I couldn’t be anywhere else today.”   
  
Steve ducks his head and focuses on his breathing for a second. How does he tell Danny that there’s nowhere else he’d rather Danny be? That it hurts like hell to see him, but it hurts even more when he’s not there?   
  
When he looks back up, Danny’s still standing there, staring at him with a fear in his eyes that he’s not even trying to hide. And Steve realizes that this affects Danny too. That maybe Danny’s hurting too, and Steve manages to croak out a small, “Thank you” before Mamo walks up to them to say the ceremony’s about to start.   
  
Danny lays a hand on Steve’s shoulder. It’s soft and warm, and he squeezes his fingers a second before letting go and heading out to the water. Steve watches him walk alongside Grace, sliding their boards into the water and paddling out.   
  
Steve takes a deep breath to steady himself before grabbing his board as well and following their lead.   
  
***  
  
It takes a while for everyone to leave the house, and it’s not like Steve isn’t grateful that they were all there for him today, but when the last person leaves, Steve welcomes the silence and relief that washes over him. He wanders around the house, picks up empty glasses and crumbled up napkins, and rearranges the furniture again to where it was at the beginning of the day.   
  
The day has been long and Steve is exhausted and he’s pretty sure he’ll fall asleep the second his head hits the pillow.   
  
He’s wrong.   
  
He tosses and turns, and every time he closes his eyes he sees the paddle out, he hears the chanting. He can hear his mother’s voice in his ear, and see Danny’s face in front of his eyes, and he can’t seem to shut off his brain. There’s a tight pull in his chest, like something’s tugging at his heart, and he feels overwhelmed by it.   
  
He grabs his phone from the night stand and his own subconscious betrays him as he’s speed-dialing Danny’s number before he even fully realizes it.   
  
He contemplates shutting it off for a second but then he can hear Danny’s voice call out, “Steve?”   
  
“Hey…” Steve says, and even though his heartbeat is racing, the chaos in his head has come to a sudden stop and all he can focus on is Danny right now.   
  
“Are you okay?”   
  
And Steve can practically hear Danny bite his tongue at the ridiculousness of the question, but he appreciates it anyway.   
  
“Yeah, I…” Steve says.  _I couldn’t sleep_. But Steve doesn’t say it because it sounds too weak, even to his own ears.   
  
He can hear Danny’s breathing on the other end of the line, can hear some rustling behind him, and Steve’s pretty sure he woke Danny up.   
  
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called,” Steve says, shaking his head, because what is he even doing here? He doesn’t even know what he’s expecting from Danny, or if he’s even willing to accept anything.   
  
“No, no,” Danny says, and he sounds panicky, like he’s genuinely scared Steve will hang up on him, “You should’ve called. Please, just…”   
  
Steve sighs. He closes his eyes and leans into the phone, like he’s trying to crawl closer to Danny’s voice.   
  
“I’m not sure what to do with myself right now…” Steve admits, his voice small and foreign to his own ears.   
  
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Danny says, and even though Steve’s heart skips to life at the thought of it, he’s shaking his head and mumbling, “No, no…” into the phone.   
  
“Steve,” Danny pleads, “Please, just let me come over.”   
  
There’s a silence that Steve’s not sure how long it lasts for, until he hears himself say, “Okay.”


	4. hoping that they all could see (that we belong together) – chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He sits on the couch and waits, because he’s not quite sure he can handle Danny being in his bedroom again, not after what happened._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for theellibu’s birthday. Beta’d by iam_space 
> 
> Also, this chapter, I might have to warn for mild gore? Just think of it as a Halloween chapter! ;)

Steve stares at his phone for a whole minute, before pulling himself out of bed and into a shirt and sweatpants. He keeps his phone in his hand as he walks downstairs, but can’t bring it in him to call Danny and tell him not to come.  
  
He sits on the couch and waits, because he’s not quite sure he can handle Danny being in his bedroom again, not after what happened.   
  
Danny doesn’t knock, just uses the key he’s had since forever and carefully walks in, eyes immediately on Steve.   
  
“I shouldn’t have called,” Steve says, even though there’s a tiny part of him that feels like he can breathe better now that Danny’s here. “There’s nothing you can do for me.”   
  
Danny closes the door softly behind him, like he’s trying not to disturb the fragile peace between them, before walking over to Steve and saying, “I can be here for you when you need me.”   
  
Steve lets his head sag between his shoulders, and lets out a puff of air through his nose.   
  
“Yeah, you’re good at that…” Steve says, and there’s an edge to his voice that he knows isn’t entirely fair.   
  
Danny sits down on the couch next to Steve, and he says, “Look, I know you think I deliberately set out to hurt you or something, but deep down you have to know that isn’t true. That I wouldn’t do something like that.”  
  
Steve doesn’t answer.   
  
“You are the best friend I have ever had, and you were hurting, and we were drunk, and I’m not saying it was the smartest thing to do, but all I wanted was to lift some of your pain, to give you a little bit of comfort somehow,” Danny goes on, his voice small but determined.   
  
“So when I said you humored me…” Steve snorts humorlessly.   
  
“That is  _not_  it,” Danny says, shaking his head firmly. “I wanted it just as much as you d…”  
  
“That is a lie,” Steve cuts him off, and it shuts Danny up immediately.   
  
“Yeah, okay, maybe that’s…” Danny sighs, his hands wrapped together in his lap, like a punished child.   
  
“Because I have been in love with you for years now,” Steve says, ‘cause there really is no point in holding it back any longer, “And maybe it wasn’t fair that I never told you, and that I  _ambushed_  you with it the other night…”  
  
“There you go again, talking like you forced me into something against my will!” Danny says, jumping up off the couch and pacing around the room. “Because yeah, maybe you wanted it more, and maybe you’ve thought about it longer, but in that moment, I wanted it too, Steve.”  
  
“But you regret it now,” Steve says.   
  
“I regret the way it happened,” Danny says, “I regret that… that for the first time in God knows how many years, we can’t make things better for each other. I regret hurting you, and you have no idea how much.”   
  
Steve sighs, sags back into the couch and rubs his fingers over his face.   
  
“I know how you feel about me now,” Danny says as he comes to sit back down next to Steve, his knee gingerly bumping against Steve’s. “And I wish I could tell you how I felt, but I honestly don’t know.”  
  
Steve rests his head against the back of the couch, lulling it towards Danny. He takes in the features of his face, the tired lines around his eyes, the way he worries his bottom lip between his teeth.   
  
“So what does that mean?” Steve asks, carefully, his voice barely a whisper.   
  
“It means I’m asking you to give me some time,” Danny says, leaning back into the cushion, but not pulling away from Steve.   
  
“Does it…?” Steve asks, cuts off his own thoughts, because he’s not entirely sure what Danny is telling him here, if there is maybe a chance that…?   
  
“Please just give me time to figure it out,” Danny says, his eyes soft and pleading as he looks at Steve. “I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.”  
  
Steve nods, leaning his head to the side, not quite touching Danny’s shoulder. They stay silent for a while.   
  
“It’s not true, by the way,” Steve mumbles, finally feeling sleep approaching for the first time this evening.   
  
“What isn’t?” Danny asks, placing his hand on his own thigh, knuckles barely brushing against Steve’s leg.   
  
“You still make things better for me,” Steve says, and he closes his eyes as he hears Danny’s affirmative hum.   
  
***  
  
The door closes with a loud click, and it’s enough to pull Steve out of his sleep. He blinks a few times, trying to make sense of where he is. He raises his head, realizes his cheek has been pressed against Danny’s shoulder for quite some time now as he rubs away the creases in his face. Danny is still sleeping, sagged low on the couch, his hand resting on Steve’s leg.   
  
“Morning,” Mary says from where she stands in the middle of the living room, an amused smile covering her face.   
  
Steve clears his throat, sits up a little straighter – without losing Danny’s touch – and says, “Morning.”   
  
“Cute,” Mary says, full-on smirking as she nods her head towards them.   
  
“You okay at your friend’s place?” Steve asks, ignoring her comment.   
  
“Yeah,” she says, the smile on her face faltering a little, “It was good. I just didn’t wanna sleep here, you know? Too many memories.”   
  
“I know,” Steve says, giving her a tentative smile.   
  
Danny shifts then, his hand finally leaving Steve’s leg to stretch his arms above his head as he wakes up.   
  
“Men your age really shouldn’t be sleeping on the couch,” Mary says with a smirk, looking at Steve. “Steve, don’t you have a nice big bed?”   
  
Danny ducks his head, flexing his shoulders before he dares to sneak a peek at Steve, still sitting beside him. Steve shoots him what he hopes to be a reassuring smile, before turning to Mary and saying, “Thank you, Mary. And when we want your advice, we’ll be sure to ask for it.”  
  
Mary grins as she heads for the kitchen.   
  
“And what do you mean, ‘men our age’?” Steve says as he pushes himself off the couch, “Time doesn’t stand still for you either, you know.”   
  
“Nonsense,” he hears her say from the kitchen, “I totally made a deal with the devil.”   
  
Steve shakes his head and turns back to Danny.   
  
“You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did,” Danny says, a hesitant smile on his face.   
  
“Yeah,” Steve says, shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants as he looks at Danny. “You want some breakfast?”   
  
“I have to go pick up Grace, actually,” Danny says with an apologetic look on his face, and before Steve can even comment, Danny rushes out, “She wanted to have breakfast with me, talk to me about something. I know you probably think that this is some excuse to get the hell out of here or something, but I swear that isn’t true! I would stay for breakfast, I wou…”   
  
“Danny!” Steve says, cutting him off, and Danny’s mouth snaps shut as he regards Steve with pleading eyes.   
  
“It’s okay, man,” Steve continues, giving him a weak smile. “I believe you.”   
  
Danny’s face cracks open in a smile as he lets out a deep breath. “Good. That’s… good.”   
  
“Go, get out of here,” Steve says, nodding towards the door.   
  
“You coming into work later?” Danny asks as he slips his feet back into his shoes – which he must’ve removed sometime during the night.   
  
“Yeah,” Steve says, “It’ll be better than sitting here all day.”   
  
“See you later then, babe,” Danny says, and he pulls Steve into a bear hug that’s over before Steve can even bring up his arms, and then he’s out the door but Steve feels slightly better anyway.   
  
***  
  
“You know you could’ve stayed home longer, right?” Kono says as Steve finally makes his appearance in the office, after a long breakfast with Mary.   
  
“And give you a chance to take over my task force?” Steve says as he lays his hand on her shoulder, “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.”   
  
Kono shoots him that sneaky smile of hers, as Chin says, “Just let us know if there’s anything we can do, okay?”   
  
Steve nods, and then Danny walks out of his office and joins them in the bullpen. Kono and Chin tense visibly, still not sure what it is exactly that’s going on but bracing themselves for the tension in the room.   
  
“Hey,” Danny says.   
  
“Hey,” Steve nods, and it’s still awkward and tense, but it’s progress, it’s hopeful, and Steve takes what he can get. “How was breakfast with Grace?”   
  
“She wants a car when she turns sixteen,” Danny says, “And of course Stan is offering one, but I think she should work for it herself, and so she’s trying to wear me down.”   
  
“Yeah?” Steve asks, “How’s that working out for her?”   
  
“Ten bucks says she gets that car from Stan,” Kono smiles.   
  
“I’ll take that bet,” Chin says, clapping his hand down on Kono’s.   
  
“Can we not take bets on my parental skills, please?” Danny says in mock-outrage.   
  
“I think it’s more a matter of taking bets on how much Grace has you wrapped around her finger…” Steve interjects.   
  
“Nice,” Danny says, but he’s smiling at Steve as he says it, “What a remarkable amount of faith you all have in me…”   
  
“Come on, man, it’s  _Grace_ ,” Steve shrugs.   
  
“It’s that Williams DNA,” Kono smiles as she pokes her elbow in Danny’s ribs. “Who can ever resist that, right?”   
  
And Steve knows Kono just means it as a joke, but Danny’s eyes shoot up to Steve the second she says it, and Steve feels utterly exposed in the moment. He swallows hard, tries to tear his eyes away from Danny, but fails. He tries to read Danny’s eyes, tries to find some clue there as to how he’s feeling, where he stands.   
  
And then the phone rings and there’s a homicide, and Steve figures it’s business as usual.   
  
***  
  
Turns out it’s not entirely business as usual since usual doesn’t often include missing eyeballs and skinned scalps.   
  
“That might be the most disgusting thing I have ever seen,” Danny says as he stands over the body, his face squinted into a repulsed frown.   
  
“That’s… yeah,” Steve says as he tilts his head, regarding the scene in front of him. “Pretty much.”   
  
“Aha!”   
  
There’s a victory cry from Max as he reaches under the desk next to the dead body and pulls out a scalp full of bloodied hair and holds it up proudly.   
  
“And the fun times just don’t end,” Danny mutters as he turns away, starts looking around the room.   
  
“Did we find the eyes yet?” Steve asks Max, who shakes his head as he bags the hairy piece of skin.   
  
“Keep looking,” Steve says, following Danny out into the victim’s kitchen.   
  
He sniffs as he looks around the room, snapping black gloves over his hands.   
  
“You should’ve stayed home a day longer,” Danny says with a weak smile.   
  
“Would you judge me if I said this is still better than sitting at home all day, overthinking every single thing that has happened in the last week?” Steve asks, turning away from Danny to check out a pile of unopened mail on the kitchen table.   
  
“Do I ever judge you?” Danny asks.   
  
“Is that a trick question?” Steve says, frowning at Danny, “On a good day you do nothing but question my actions.”   
  
“Not about stuff like this,” Danny says, remarkably soft, and Steve has to fight the urge to step closer to Danny, to make a physical connection.   
  
“It’s okay to grieve,” Danny says, “But I know you prefer to just step back into the action, not to linger on it.”   
  
“Lingering isn’t going to do me any good,” Steve says as he pulls open kitchen cabinets in search of… anything really.   
  
“Okay…” Danny says, but he doesn’t sound very convinced.   
  
Steve sighs and is just about to say something when Danny yelps and Steve spins around to find Danny by the microwave.   
  
“I take it back,” Danny says as he buries his hand underneath his nose while he pulls the microwave door open with his other hand for Steve to see. “ _This_  is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.”   
  
“Explains the smell,” Steve squints as he crunches down a bit to get a good look at the half-exploded pair of eyes sticking to the sides of the microwave.   
  
“ _I_  should’ve stayed home today,” Danny says as he turns away from the microwave like it personally offended him.   
  
“Oh, come on, you love being here,” Steve says with a smile.   
  
“You’re delusional,” Danny answers, but it’s said with such affection in his voice that Steve doesn’t even mind that they’re knee-deep in heated-up eyeballs and skinned-off scalps.


	5. hoping that they all could see (that we belong together) – chapter 5 + epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“What the hell is…?” Danny mutters, before yelling out, “Are you purposefully trying to kill me?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for theellibu’s birthday. Beta’d by iam_space.
> 
> Many thanks to tailoredshirt and iam_space for the suggestions and hand-holding!
> 
> This fic is now complete!

There’s a slight breeze as Steve walks through the trees to reach Mamo’s house. He doesn’t knock on the front door, just follows the path to go around back to find Mamo near the water, hunched over a large surfboard he’s touching up. Mamo claps his hand around Steve’s neck as he sits down in the sand.   
  
“Stevie,” Mamo says, warmth and understanding in that one word that Steve didn’t even realize he needed.   
  
“How are you, Mamo?” Steve smiles, and Mamo returns the smile easily.   
  
“No different than I always am,” Mamo says, “How are  _you_?”   
  
Steve’s not sure how to even answer that question without hijacking Mamo into an hours-long conversation, but apparently Mamo understands his non-answer well enough.   
  
“Nobody’s expecting you to be fine, Steve,” Mamo says, “You do realize that, right?”  
  
Steve looks out over the water, at the waves slowly dying out on the beach, the occasional upsurge splashing up on the rocks.   
  
“I find myself mad at her,” Steve says eventually, eyes locked on the waves. “And then I feel guilty for even thinking such a thing.”   
  
“You don’t think we’re allowed to be angry at the dead?” Mamo asks, and there’s no judgment in his tone.   
  
“I think it’s kind of crappy to be angry at her for dying,” Steve answers, his hand tracing indecipherable patterns in the sand.   
  
“I don’t think we get to decide how we feel about these things,” Mamo says, the surfboard forgotten next to him.   
  
“There’s twenty years I could have had her in my life, that she threw down the drain,” Steve says, fingers digging deep in the sand, “And even though rationally I  _know_  that it doesn’t make any sense for me to blame her for dying, I…”   
  
“You feel like she purposefully abandoned you again,” Mamo finishes the thought for him as his words die out.   
  
Steve nods. There’s silence for a minute, where Steve focuses on the trickle of the water, on the wind puffing through the trees behind them.   
  
“I blame her for those twenty years I could never have had back anyway,” Steve says, letting out a long sigh as he leans back on his hands, and tilts his head back.   
  
“That seems pretty normal to me,” Mamo says.   
  
Steve looks at Mamo, and says, “It does?”  
  
“Though granted, there is not much ‘normal’ about this situation,” Mamo says with a gentle smile on his face, “It seems perfectly acceptable to love your mother, to mourn and be sad that she has passed away, but still be upset about some of the decisions she made in her life. Decisions that affected you and Mary. Decisions that she might have taken out of love, but might not necessarily have been the right ones. Being angry doesn’t invalidate your love for her.”   
  
“We were never able to agree on why she did it,” Steve says, sadly. “In all these years since she was back, I finally just stopped arguing because it was leading us nowhere. We were never going to agree.”   
  
“And now you feel like your chance to see eye to eye on it has disappeared forever?” Mamo asks, and Steve nods. “But you said it yourself, Steve. You were never going to agree. You could’ve had the same conversation a million times over, and she still would’ve thought she did what was best to protect you, and you still would’ve thought she could have found another way.”  
  
Steve sighs, rubs the sand off his fingers on his pants before brushing them over his face.   
  
“Her passing on doesn’t force you to suddenly agree with her,” Mamo says, his hand resting supportively on Steve’s shoulder. “And that doesn’t mean you’re any less of a good son.”  
  
Steve nods, taking a deep breath as he lets the salty air fill his lungs.   
  
***  
  
It’s only when Steve is walking back to his car and checks his phone – no reception, and he finds it so typically fitting for Mamo to not have cell phone reception at his house – that he realizes just how long he’s been. The sun is already starting to set, but he feels… refreshed somehow.   
  
On his drive back, his phone springs to life again and starts beeping with missed calls and messages. When he reaches his house, phone in hand to check out what big emergency he missed, Danny is standing by the Camaro on his driveway, hands running through his hair before throwing his arms in the air at the sight of Steve arriving.   
  
“Danny, what the hell is going on?” Steve asks as he exits his truck, holding his phone up questioningly.   
  
“What the hell is…?” Danny mutters, before yelling out, “Are you purposefully trying to  _kill_  me?”   
  
“What?” Steve frowns, taking in Danny’s flushed face, his restless pacing across the driveway, before he pulls out his own phone and punches in a number.   
  
“Danny…?” Steve asks, but Danny’s giving him the glare of death as he holds up one hand to hush Steve and he says into the phone, “It’s me. Call off the search party, he’s fine. He just came home. Yeah, I know. Okay, bye.”   
  
Danny stuffs the phone back in his pocket like he’s got a personal vendetta against it and points his finger at Steve as he yells, “You!”   
  
“What did I do?” Steve asks bewildered.   
  
“You couldn’t pick up your fucking phone?” Danny asks, cheeks flushed and arms flailing. “Are you even kidding me right now?”   
  
“We were waiting on those lab results, I thought… I was at Mamo’s,” Steve tries to explain, “There’s no cell service, I lost track of time. Why are you…? Did something happen?”   
  
“Did something happen, he asks?” Danny mumbles, humorlessly. “Besides me having a heart attack because you’re AWOL for  _five_  freaking hours? There’s eyeball-cooking murderers out there, Steven! And your task force is the only thing standing between them and freedom, and I couldn’t find you anywhere! I’ve been looking all over the place, and… for fuck’s sake!”   
  
Danny lets out a shuddering breath, and Steve can tell he’s shaking, and that he’s not even trying to regain his composure, which should tell Steve that this is big. That this isn’t just Danny in one of his usual rants.   
  
“What’s going on, Danny?” Steve asks as calm as he can, as he walks up to Danny, a hand on his shoulder. “You’re kind of freaking me out here.”   
  
“I’m freaking you out?” Danny snorts, but his voice is trembling. “You went and disappeared on me, babe.”   
  
“I didn’t…” Steve starts, then shakes his head and tries for levity, “Besides, I thought you wanted time and space.”   
  
“I said time, you moron,” Danny says, his hand finding its way to Steve’s waist, like he’s trying to make sure Steve is really there. “Not space. I'm pretty fucking used to you being all up in my space by now.”   
  
“Yeah?” Steve asks, and he can’t hold in the satisfied smile that appears on his face.   
  
And then Danny’s hand comes up to his cheek and Danny’s leaning up to brush his lips against Steve’s, and the smile fades off his face just as quick as he’s gently pushing Danny away, tilting his head to break the kiss.   
  
“Danno, what are you…?” Steve mumbles, a lump forming in his throat. “You can’t…”  
  
“No, Steve,” Danny says, his hand clutching to the fabric of Steve’s shirt, “You don’t understand.”   
  
“I can’t do this again, Danny,” Steve says as he breaks free from Danny’s touch, making a beeline for the front door.   
  
He isn’t truly surprised when Danny follows him in, babbling, “Steve, no, this isn’t…”  
  
“I am giving you time, Danny,” Steve says as he turns towards Danny, and it comes out more snappish than he’d meant for it to. “But you can’t… you can’t play me.”   
  
“I don’t need more time, Steve,” Danny says, and there’s relief and a tiny smile spreading over his face, and Steve thinks he’s missed some part of the conversation because he feels truly lost.   
  
“When I couldn’t reach you, I… I completely panicked,” Danny says, hand rubbing through his hair. “I was convinced that something was wrong, that you were in danger somehow, and really? Who could blame me? You’ve got a pretty bad track record.”   
  
The edge of Steve’s lips curl into a smile, because Danny is never going to let go of Steve’s tendency to throw himself into dangerous situations head-on.  
  
“I thought you’d gone out on your own and stumbled across our creep of a killer, and…” Danny shakes his head, like he’s shaking off the thought. “You have no idea, Steve. It wasn’t like before, like all those other times you were in danger…”  
  
“I wasn’t in danger, Danny,” Steve says softly, “I was just at Mamo’s.”   
  
“But I didn’t know,” Danny answers, “And all I could think about was that night together, and how  _stupid_  I’ve been for not seeing it earlier. For not realizing…”   
  
Steve can feel his heart pounding in his chest, can hear the blood rush through his ears as Danny takes a few steps forward, a few steps closer to Steve.   
  
“Realizing what?” Steve asks, his own voice unsteady and weak, but he has to know, he simply cannot dive back into this without knowing for sure, without Danny spelling it out for him.   
  
“That I feel the same way,” Danny says, and Steve isn’t sure if it’s the words or the hand that comes to rest against Steve’s chest that makes him feel weak in the knees. That make him feel like the air has been sucked out of the room, and everything’s spinning.   
  
“Are you s…?” Steve starts, but Danny doesn’t even let him finish the question as he says, “I’m sure, Steve. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I wouldn’t do that to you again, I wouldn’t hurt you like before, I… You have to believe me.”   
  
Danny is staring up at him, like he’s waiting for Steve to decide whether he believes him or not. Like he’s waiting for Steve to let him back in, on his time, on his decision. And Steve looks back, stares into Danny’s eyes and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen such honesty, and before he even knows it he’s leaning in, pressing his lips against Danny’s, breathing him in.   
  
There’s a grunt of acknowledgment as Danny melts into Steve’s body, arms wrapping around Steve’s torso as he pulls him close, his mouth open and pliant underneath Steve’s. Steve lifts his hands up to cup Danny’s face, thumbs stroking over his cheeks as Danny’s tongue explores his mouth, lips nipping at Steve’s hungrily, like he’s trying to make sure Steve is there, that he’s real, that this thing is really happening, and Steve knows exactly how he feels.   
  
Steve smiles as they break the kiss, Danny’s face immediately finding the crook of Steve’s neck to nestle in, to cling on.   
  
“No freak-out?” Steve asks softly, one hand buried in the strands of hair at the nape of Danny’s neck.   
  
“In the sense that I’ve never actually done this before, yeah, maybe a little bit,” Danny confesses, his arms tightening a little around Steve in reassurance, “But this is you. It’s with you, so… No, no freak-out.”   
  
He lifts his head to look at Steve. “I know it’s you that I want.”   
  
“That’s good,” Steve says, a relieved rush of air escaping him. “That’s really good.”   
  
His hand is still steady at the nape of Danny’s neck, and he pulls him closer, snaking his other arm around Danny’s shoulders, into his embrace.   
  
“’cause I really want you, Danny,” Steve says, muttering against Danny’s temple.   
  
Danny lets his hands slip around Steve’s waist, and it feels so comfortable, so  _right_.   
  
“You have me, Steve.”

***

**Epilogue**

“You know, if I never see that guy’s face again, it’ll still be too soon,” Steve says as he plops down on the couch in his living room, his arms spread out on the back. It’s been a long couple of days since Steve found Danny waiting on his driveway, and a very short evening before they got interrupted by Chin’s phone call with the news that they finally had a solid lead in their case.   
  
“We still gotta testify in court, babe,” Danny says as he toes off his shoes, “Make sure his eyeball-cooking ass goes away for life.”   
  
Steve grunts in response.   
  
“Besides,” Danny says, “You’re ruining the romantic moment thinking about this guy.”   
  
“Romantic moment?” Steve frowns as he looks up at Danny, “We just turned a double shift, what are you talking about?”   
  
Danny just smirks as he shuffles a little closer to Steve, nudges himself in between Steve’s legs before dropping to his knees.   
  
“But, you know…” Danny says as he slowly reaches for Steve’s belt to unhook it, “If you’re not in the mood, I can always go and unwind by myself…”   
  
“Yeah?” Steve asks with a smirk as he tilt his hips up a bit, “’cause that doesn’t really seem to be what you’re doing here…”  
  
“Well, all signs point to you being up for this, so…” Danny smiles as he squeezes Steve’s half-hard cock through his cargoes, his thumb rubbing thoroughly over the underside.   
  
A content hum falls from Steve’s lips.   
  
“Just…” Danny says, and Steve can hear he’s trying to hide a slight hesitation, even as he’s unzipping Steve’s pants and tucking them down a bit. “I don’t really… This is, uhm…”   
  
“You don’t have to,” Steve says, even though his cock is already begging for Danny’s attention, but he knows this is all pretty new to Danny.   
  
“I want to,” Danny says, his voice full of conviction. “Just… don’t be an ass and mock me in the morning.”   
  
“Danny,” Steve says, and Danny’s hand is still rubbing around Steve’s underwear-clad cock, thumb pressing in the slit, and it’s making it difficult for Steve to think.   
  
“Just guide me a little bit, yeah?” Danny says with a smile, and before Steve can even utter out his ‘yeah’, Danny’s tongue is sliding along the fabric that’s already wet with pre-come.   
  
“Fuck, yeah, I don’t think you’ll need it,” Steve says, already breathless. He’s straining to keep his hips still, to not push up into Danny, into the warm heat that’s hovering over his cock.   
  
Danny’s fingers disappear under the waistband of his boxers, tugging them down until Steve’s cock springs free. Danny doesn’t hesitate and slides his lips over the head, sucking tentatively and licking it with his tongue like he’s dying to know the taste.   
  
Steve’s fingers claw at the couch as he lets his head fall back when Danny takes him in as deep as he can, which isn’t all the way, but Steve doesn’t care because it’s Danny’s lips around his cock, Danny’s tongue swirling around the tip and trying to swallow around the whole thing, and  _fuck_ , what he may lack in experience he most definitely makes up for in enthusiasm, ‘cause his head is bobbing up and down and his fingers are now massaging Steve’s balls and Steve isn’t actually sure how he’s going to last at all.   
  
Then Danny lifts his head up, lets Steve’s cock slip out of his mouth with a loud wet pop, and he looks up at Steve as he asks through swollen lips, “Okay?”   
  
And Steve just leans forward, almost curls in half as he cups Danny’s face between his hands maybe just a little bit too rough and kisses him. He slips his tongue in, groans as Danny melts into the kiss immediately. The kiss is frantic and hungry, and leaves Steve’s cock unattended but he doesn’t care because in this moment he simply  _needs_  Danny’s lips against his, needs to feel his tongue, needs to taste him.   
  
“Christ, Danny,” Steve mutters, dragging his bottom lip over Danny’s, trying to catch his breath.   
  
“You suck at guiding me,” Danny says, his face one big smile as he’s clutching his fingers in Steve’s shirt.   
  
“You’re a pro,” Steve says, huffing out a laugh.   
  
“Liar,” Danny says, still smiling.   
  
“C’mere,” Steve says, tugging Danny up on the couch, pulling him half underneath Steve.   
  
Danny’s mouth finds his again, and as Steve’s fumbling to get Danny’s pants open, Danny is already wrapping his fingers around Steve’s hard cock again, and starts stroking.   
  
Danny is warm and solid underneath him, and Steve just knows that he isn’t going anywhere. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. 


End file.
